My story...

This post is very different to my usual posts, please bare with me as some of it may not make too much sense.

 I am aware that I haven't blogged in a while and that is due to not having the confidence to, my mental health isn't too great at the moment. However I don't find it fair to not give you all an explanation and maybe once I have I will build up the confidence to write more frequently. So I'm just going to get right into it and explain it all.

My story

When I was little I was always the happy child. The one who had no cares in the world, I would make friends with everyone and anyone who I would meet. I was such a confident little girl. When I was in class at Nursery and at Primary I was always the first to volunteer to speak or to perform infront of people. I would laugh and joke about with anyone I could! 

At the age of 6-7 I began to get bullied, it started off as name calling and getting framed for things but later on it moved on to bigger things. This made a huge impact on my confidence, I would no longer put my hand up to answer questions in class, I would cry at the smallest things. If someone said no to me for something I would get so upset! This made things worse as everyone just began to call me even more. 'Mardy' because I wasn't 'getting my own way'. Nobody ever understood and neither did I, but I was slowly breaking.

I decided to move to another primary school to get away from it all. For a year I had. Then it started up again, but I was a bit older this time (9-10) so it got a bit worse and more personal too. I used to get called for my appearance as I had considerably bad acne and very oily hair, I hated the way which I looked and I was constantly reminded of it everytime I went into school. So I stopped going. I made up every excuse. I would claim that I was ill or that something had happened. I used to refuse to go out and see people as I didn't want them to think the same about me as I thought about myself. 

Secondary school

When I moved to secondary school it got worse! It all happened again but even more personal! So I skipped school. All the way through my first and second year I would leave school without anybody knowing. I would never go in or I would walk out. 

!PTW! 

I began to get suicidal thoughts. I then attempted suicide once and went into a general hospital which I was referred to Camhs, I then went there, I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety by my current psychiatrist and got put on anti-depressants, within six months I attempted suicide again and was admitted into general hospital for the second time. This time as I was already referred to Camhs and had medication they had no other choice but to refer me to a Mental Health Hospital. I was admitted to there and I met loads of lovely people, it helped my recovery so much. They sorted out my medication and made me feel much better! Now I am at a school made to help people with mental health problems and there are 9 of us. Unfortunately I only get to receive 4 GCSEs there but atleast my mental health isn't suffering and everyone in there is so understanding 

Today

Like I said at the start of this post, I still am not 100% better although I am much better than I was, I do still have bad days and I'm just struggling at the moment, therefore i haven't had the confidence or motivation to post recently.This has been so hard to write and I'm worried about uploading it due to the worries of what people may think as I've been accused of seeking for attention many times! I really hope that you all understand. Just remember this quote whenever you feel down or that you need some self confidence!

10 Random facts about me

I have only just realised that I haven't posted anything in over 2 months due to lack of motivation and I didn't know what to post as my uncle has borrowed my camera. I came across a post from the blog www.blondeamy.co.uk (who by the way is an amazing blogger) and she gave me some ideas on what to write when unmotivated to do so. The first one on the list was to write some facts about yourself and I decided that is what I am going to do. This seemed like an easy post to do but also informative for my readers to find more about me.

1.  My birthday is November 24th.
2.  I have 3 siblings and I love them all very much!
3. I hate sports and anything to do with it.
4. I love to bake but most of the time it goes wrong oops.
5. My favourite colour is lilac.
6. I love the summer. Being with family at BBQs.
7. I would rather eat tons of fruit than chocolate and sweets.
8. I have always dreamed of having a white wedding and a big, happy family.
9. I am very disorganised if you can't already tell.

I am aware that I have only given 9 facts so far but here's the last one:

10. I suffer from depression and anxiety. I have done for over 2 years and I am on constant medication. I will write a post about my journey through mental health if that is what you would like. 

Please no judgemental comments as this is something personal that I decided to share with you for the simple fact that if anybody reading this has similar problems to these mentioned then you are not alone and you can always contact me through my Twitter 
https://twitter.com/Emilehjaynexo

Spring Fashion.

Well, It's March already. How has this happened so fast? I feel as though I have blinked and three months have just flown by like that. Anyway I love spring because it is the time of year when your life just gets much brighter after having a darker winter. This is the month where I begin to crack out the brighter clothes and whiter statements pieces that I own. These are the most staple items in my wardrobe for spring this year which will most likely be featured in many of this season's outfits.

This dress is a recent purchase of mine from Oasis, I have worn it quite a few times already, recently I have paired it with my white converses and a thin slouchy cardigan or on the colder days with a pair of black opaque tights and a jacket. This dress is £48 and you can purchase it from here or here

Next, also from Oasis I have bought a black and off-white mini skirt. I would pair this with a basic tank top and flat shoes for a casual spring look or a more dressy top and heels for an evening meal out or something similar. This skirt is £32 and you can purchase it from here or here

Last year I bought a bright yellow leather jacket from River Island. Unfortunately this is no longer available although they do have a similar one as an online exclusive which is just as nice here. I wore this a lot last summer and I intend to carry it out through this month also. Many places sell bright statement jackets and blazers which are cheap enough to pick up so have a look around if you aren't too keen on that one. I would personally pair this with more basic items like a white tank top and light blue jeans rather than something striking because of how bright it is but it is completely up to you!

That is all for this post, Sorry it's kind of short. Please let me know if you would like me to do a lookbook/week in my style type of post or video where I will show you what I would pair these things with and show you what they look like on because I will definitely be up to doing that!

Liebster Award

I am literally so excited right now because I have been nominated for something so somebody actually reads my blog and that makes me so happy! This is also my first post of 2015 although I'm a month late, sorry:( But the most exciting news is that I have a new layout and design thanks to Felicity Neilson from Pursuit of Felicity I really hope that you like it because I sure do!

To start with I would like to thank Lauren from Littlejourneyoflife for nominating me. It seriously means the world to me, Thankyou!

So this award is for new bloggers to get more involved and interact with more people. The rules are simple. All you have to do is Link the person who nominated you, answer the 11 questions asked by them, nominate 5-11 blogs with less than 200 followers and link them, Create 11 new questions for your nominees to answer and finally let them know that they've been nominated!

My questions from Lauren are as follows!

If you could go anywhere in the world, where would you go? Italy, I would love to visit Venice.
What is your biggest wish? To have a family, Not yet though!!
What is your favourite shop? Miss Selfridge hands down, If I could I would literally buy the whole shop. I am actually really disappointed because we no longer have one in the city which I live.
Who is your favourite author? John Green.
What is your dream job? To work in the film/theatre industry doing Prosthetics and SFX makeup
If you could have any superpower, what would it be? I don't want a boring power like flying or invisibility, I am very odd and would love to turn my head all the way around like you see in horror films. But unfortunately that's not possible.
What is your favourite makeup product at the minute? I am loving the Urban Decay Vice 3 Palette right now
Which is your favourite season? Autumn, PUMPKIN SPICE LATTE!
Baths or showers? Baths I love to relax and have some me time at the end of the day
What is your favourite animal? Pandas or Poodles
Who are your favourite bloggers at the minute? Plant based Pixie, NiomiSmart, Tanya burr , Zoella,FleurdeForce, Memymouse1& Beautycrush

I can only think of 4 people to nominate for this award at this minute.

http://www.bethany-hannah.co.uk
http://www.casetti.co.uk
http://jasminehardingmakeup.blogspot.co.uk
http://www.thehalflifeofemma.blogspot.co.uk

My questions are

1.What 3 things can you not leave the house without?
2.Favourite Drink?
3.What do you like to do to pamper yourself?
4.Favourite High-street/Drugstore beauty product(s)
5.How often do you post?
6. Favourite movie?
7. How are you going to spend your valentine's day?
8. What made you want to create a blog?
9. What inspired the name of your blog?
10. Describe yourself in 3 words
11. On average how much time each week do you spend on your blog?

Most Used Winter Lip Products

1. Rimmel London Moisture Renew in 180 Vintage Pink

2. Maybelline Colour Sensational in Pleasure Me Red

3. Lush Lip scrub in Bubblegum

4. Mac Matte Finish in Russian Red

5. Vaseline Lip Balm in Paint The Town - Unfortunately this was limited edition&is no longer available

6. Mac Satin Finish in Rebel

1. This shade is a more neutral shade of lipstick, I wear this most days as it is quite easy to pull off due to its subtle colour. Also it is packed full of moisture as the name suggests which makes it easy to wear. Unfortunately it doesn't last very long but it's easy to apply and touch up as it is a nude colour and you don't have to worry about the dreaded clown look.

2. Again this lipstick is full of moisture, I like to wear moisturising lipsticks in the winter because my lips chap really badly in the colder months. This colour is a more wearable red because it doesn't look too overpowering due to the pinker undertones in this shade. Unlike the other colour, this one lasts quite a bit longer on the lips.

3. Every 2-3 days depending on how my lips feel I will use this scrub to exfoliate my lips and get rid of all of that nasty dead skin that clings to your lips. This is a sugar scrub in the flavour Bubblegum and they have many other flavours too. You just apply the scrub to your lips before makeup, rub it in and rub it off. It is 100% natural so it does not taste bad which is always a bonus:) This makes your lips feel softer and more luxurious if you can describe lips in that way.

4. Mac's Russian Red is a deep red shade with a matte base. This colour is not as moisturising because of its matte finish, although it is a lot less drying out than lets say Mac's Ruby woo and if you apply lip balm before hand it will moisturise your lips more and also lock in its colour to make it longer lasting. This lipstick lasts about 8 hours on with the odd touch up here and there. Depending on what you are consuming it may last longer or shorter. I usually use this when out in the evening because it makes me feel more glamorous. It has blue undertones which gives the illusion of slightly whiter teeth.

5.Vaseline is just a petroleum jelly based lip balm and it helps to moisturise and repair your lips. This particular one has a hint of red in it, Red is becoming a bit of a theme here. This hint just subtly colours your lips without too much pigment. 

6. Rebel is another one of my most reached for colours in the Autumn/Winter seasons due to it's berry shade. The purple matches my hair which I love and It compliments my skin tone very well.  As this has a satin finish it does not dry out your lips. It is easy to layer up or sheer down. The dark colour in the packaging should not throw you off at all because it is not as deep of a colour on the lips.