My story...

This post is very different to my usual posts, please bare with me as some of it may not make too much sense.

 I am aware that I haven't blogged in a while and that is due to not having the confidence to, my mental health isn't too great at the moment. However I don't find it fair to not give you all an explanation and maybe once I have I will build up the confidence to write more frequently. So I'm just going to get right into it and explain it all.

My story

When I was little I was always the happy child. The one who had no cares in the world, I would make friends with everyone and anyone who I would meet. I was such a confident little girl. When I was in class at Nursery and at Primary I was always the first to volunteer to speak or to perform infront of people. I would laugh and joke about with anyone I could! 

At the age of 6-7 I began to get bullied, it started off as name calling and getting framed for things but later on it moved on to bigger things. This made a huge impact on my confidence, I would no longer put my hand up to answer questions in class, I would cry at the smallest things. If someone said no to me for something I would get so upset! This made things worse as everyone just began to call me even more. 'Mardy' because I wasn't 'getting my own way'. Nobody ever understood and neither did I, but I was slowly breaking.

I decided to move to another primary school to get away from it all. For a year I had. Then it started up again, but I was a bit older this time (9-10) so it got a bit worse and more personal too. I used to get called for my appearance as I had considerably bad acne and very oily hair, I hated the way which I looked and I was constantly reminded of it everytime I went into school. So I stopped going. I made up every excuse. I would claim that I was ill or that something had happened. I used to refuse to go out and see people as I didn't want them to think the same about me as I thought about myself. 

Secondary school

When I moved to secondary school it got worse! It all happened again but even more personal! So I skipped school. All the way through my first and second year I would leave school without anybody knowing. I would never go in or I would walk out. 

!PTW! 

I began to get suicidal thoughts. I then attempted suicide once and went into a general hospital which I was referred to Camhs, I then went there, I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety by my current psychiatrist and got put on anti-depressants, within six months I attempted suicide again and was admitted into general hospital for the second time. This time as I was already referred to Camhs and had medication they had no other choice but to refer me to a Mental Health Hospital. I was admitted to there and I met loads of lovely people, it helped my recovery so much. They sorted out my medication and made me feel much better! Now I am at a school made to help people with mental health problems and there are 9 of us. Unfortunately I only get to receive 4 GCSEs there but atleast my mental health isn't suffering and everyone in there is so understanding 

Today

Like I said at the start of this post, I still am not 100% better although I am much better than I was, I do still have bad days and I'm just struggling at the moment, therefore i haven't had the confidence or motivation to post recently.This has been so hard to write and I'm worried about uploading it due to the worries of what people may think as I've been accused of seeking for attention many times! I really hope that you all understand. Just remember this quote whenever you feel down or that you need some self confidence!